{ 7:57 pm }
ive been sitting here, cant get you off my mind, ive tried my best to be your man and be strong..ive thrown myself in saying wishing i could touch your face but the truth remains your gone..SOMEONE SAID THIS RECENTLY;
FYQUE, I NEED YOU HERE RIGHT NOW! I DONT KNOW WHAT'S HAPPENING TO ME. I DONT WANT TO LIVE THIS LIFE.. I HAD MADE A MISTAKE! MAMA HATES ME! PAPA STARTS TO IGNORE ME. IM SORRY FYQUE! IM SORRY.. PLS, HELP ME!!
hais.. why when they are needed and then im the one they find? why is it when they are out there having a whole lot of fun and they wont think of me? why do they need me only when they are in trouble or sad.. i mean i will be there for people who are sad and stuff.. but its always like ONLY when they are sad then they'll come seeking for my help.. get it? hais.. i dont know la.. maybe im just temporary in thier eyes.. a person who only comes when help is needed.. now i know how superman feels.. PFFT!
{ 1:18 am }
If i could be anything i would like to be ur tears so i could born in ur eyes and die in ur lips
In the end we always return to the people who were there from the b.e.g.i.n.n.i.n.g
When people lauugh and ask me what I see in you..I laugh and tell them everything you dont.
Is it you I want or just the notion of a heart to wrap around so I can find my way around.
You come to love not by finding the perfect person, but by seeing an imperfect person perfectly.
love is not abt finding someone u can live with....it is abt finding someone u cant live without..
The hardest thing to do is watch the one you love, love someone else.
* The ones that you love the most are usually the ones that hurt you the most.
~ Anonymous ~ WOW TRUE!!!!
{ 12:46 am }
AND NOW IM CONFUSED! MIXED FEELINGS! I DONT KNOW! JUST WHAT I NEEDED! PERFECT! :(
{ 12:32 am }
ive been thinking lately.. its funny you see coz ive always thought u were the only person that was the one im searching for..but i thought wrong! you changed alot.. alot! i mean it! alot!
so here is something to tell you shit..
Lagu ini bukan di radio setiap hari untukmu
lagu ini tidak perlu kau kembali kepadaku
lagu ini hanya ingin kau fahami
ku sudah teruskan hidupku'
semuanya cun saja! hahah
i feel so.. hmm.i dunnoe.. someone told me that if you really cry for someone its because you cry for someone you really love.. but i dun really have feelings for you.. its just that i known you for so long.. that's all and we've been friends..best friends.. haha.. its funny now.. i dunnoe.. you treat me like this.. hais.. it wasnt what i really thought you would ever do.. but hais.. haha.. oh well..
good things comes and goes i guess..
i want to thank you for being there for me.. if only you know who this small heart of mine is truly really meant for.. hmm..
Saturday, 28 March 2009
{ 6:46 pm }
5:16pm
March 28 2009, Saturday
KringKringkring...
i picked up the phone...
me:hello?
someone:fiq, what did you tell mama about me?
me:about what?
someone: u tau ape yang i ckp kan?
me: i will find out as soon as you tell me..haha
someone: im really not in the mood!
me: ok, im sorry.. im serious right now.. grr! haha
someone: FIQ! im not shitting around!
me: ok whoah! chill la u.. ok i did it alright?
someone:Why fiq? why?!
me: its really for your own good..i dont want you to spoil your life.. you think your friends out there are really gonna help you in whatever mistakes you made? you only making it worst!
someone: but there's no need to tell mama right? she's got nothing to do with this..it none of her business
me: well, looking at this situation now and the way i see it, she is your mum and you are her daughter, this makes its her damn freaking business!
someone: can you please stop being naive, fiq? huh? what's wrong with you? omg!
me: how am i naive when i care for you?
someone: i know you do, but stop being bossy will you?
me: im not..hais.. im merely asking what happened to you? after all this years, wasted..
someone: what? nothing's wrong with me..its you i guess.. i never knew you were so busybody and such a jerk..
me: hais.. explain how am i a jerk and a busybody when i care about you? i want the best for you.. what will other people think bout you? what will you do? what will happen to your future? tell me.. have you thought about that?
someone: just shut up.. i realy dun want to hear any of your advises and stuff..you're really getting on my nerve..
me:i just care for you..we all want the best for you..
someone: well thank you, but i dont really need you in my life.. you're just a past i had with..
me: yeah, i guess so.. hmm
someone: from now on, stay out of my life!
*click* she out down the phone..
so yea, my life stinks apparently..:((
Thursday, 26 March 2009
{ 9:52 pm }
Its Dead And Gone..
is my old habits coming back?
is it really going to be what i think im gonna be again? omgees.. haiyo..i need to stay focus on things i want la..stop being the old me..its just dead and gone..
oh yea.. speaking of dead and gone..
im recomend you this song entitled; T.I feat Justin timberlake- Dead and gone!
freaking nice la crapo!lol.. aight.. hais.. my back is freaking hurting me right now. i dunnoe if its from the previous incedent i had 2 years ago or just that im old.. lol. haha.. hais.. then now i've been having headaches la seh! due to the 2 headbutting to the pole incident..nice work guys.. thankz..i just needed the headbutting with the hard and stiff pole! shitos..lol..
alright, tomoro is our semi-finals..
and saturday will have regenerations..then sunday will have training..preparing for monday finals.. this year relly we are aiming for 1st place.. i never had worked so hard for soccer in my entire life.. but this year seriously, i am working hard..so i hope with that hard work, it will pay off..coz honestly, ill cry if we didnt managed to win the champion coz i can see that we really trained very hard! haha..so hopefully.. just hoping to win! make our school proud.. and us proud..
no one else! haa..
k la.. im chatting with JIRAH<3.. so i appreciate to be left alone.. lol..:)
Tuesday, 24 March 2009
{ 9:11 pm }
i've always wonder what would happened if we were still together?
if we ever survived our relationship together, i think it would be true love uh.. MAYBE! but look at you now.. what have you become?! where were the old you that i've always known? i know i have nothing to do with you now but you promised me.. you promised that we still kep in touch even though we are so far away... you promised me that no matter what, you'll think of me and my family before doing anything.. but now? where is all your promises? do you know that, the letter you gave me, i felt like burning it..i never wanted to read them ever again.. it's really heart breaking seeing you in that kind of state! think of papa and mama la pls.. what you do now is not what they had in mind for you tau..
i know i have no power anymore in your life like i had when we were together but as a friend, im begging you to stop it la.. just dont make you family worry bout you.. its just stupid la.. i know you are going to read this and thinking that i paw tow you and shit but i dun care..i mean you shouldnt care.. if you had the guts to do what you did, why must you be mad at me for posting this right? so yea.. just as a friend uh, dun do what you are doing anymore pls.. i know its a different world out there than singapore.. their world are wide and free.. and there's alot of places you can encounters.. but why must you do all that stuff? im really really sad for you.. i thought you can be an example to Rose tau.. she's only a kid.. still a young kid.. dont show her stuff that is not right.. hais..
im really2 sad after reading that letter.. i hope you really think through.. do it for you parents if not for me... really! try to stop.. i dun want you to ruin your life.. trust me.. hais...
you know i love you alot.. and you told me you love me too, so pls,as your bestfriend, for me, stop it..
take care.. ill give you a call if im free okey? and hopefully you and your family come and visit me when you are not busy.. k? i really miss you.. hais.. i really hope you think through.. im off.. hais..
Monday, 23 March 2009
{ 8:09 pm }
hello humans!
aight, firstly, happy school reopen to all! haha.. miss the teachers seh...
*miss as in cant wait to make them stress and irritated by us.. like lol.. hahahah..
ok.. first day was ok i guess.. still boring.. haha.. i kinda find maths quite easy and fun to do.. but it will get boring if you keep on doing questions with the same freaking formula. like wth? lol... hais.. ok.. MT was fine.. still like dun want to be in that class..so haiyo..lol.. hmm.. history was interesting today.. about LENIN..
wow.. its fun but i dont get it..why do people in power in the older days just love to have sex? and why they dont want to take a bath? like omg... and why the women in the older days are so stupid to fall for a stinky, old and disgusting man like them? no offence women today.. you girls are great today.. (HAHA, sarcastic anw) ... hmm.. err.. just disgusting.. alright, after that had english lessons.. i think MS.Ze has already taken control of the class..everyone seems to cooperate with her now..that's good.. hee.. then all the soccer boys was dismissed from class at 12.30 to have our lunch and get ready for JUYING SECONDARY!
GUESS WHAT? WE FREAKING DRAW WITH THEMM!!! 2-2! haha.. this means that we are through to the SEMI-FINALS!! you know, i almost cried... omg.. its hard to see me cry ok! lol.. alright.. thanks to SHARIF(c) and our right midfielder FIRDAUS that has put us in the semi finals.. its so the last minute score uh! YES!!!!! haha.. so HAPPY!
alright, im done.. see what tomorow gives.. hee..
Sunday, 22 March 2009
{ 9:35 pm }
You're voice is the soundtrack of my summer
Do you know you're unlike any other? You'll always be my thunder, and I'll say that Your eyes are the brightest of all the colors.I don't wanna ever love another
You'll always be my thunder
So bring on the rain
And bring on the thunder
haha.. and You'll never know what you've done for me,what your faith in me has done for my soul.And you'll never know the gift you've given me, I'll carry it with me, yes i will..Through all the days ahead I think of days before.. You made me hope for something better and made me reach for something more...
And I'm trying hard to figure out..Just how I ever did without the warmth of your smile, the heart of a child that's deep inside
Leaves me purified...Can this be true? Tell me, can this be real? How can I put into words what I feel? My life was complete and I thought I was whole..
Why do I feel like I'm losing control?
I have only one wish on my list
For me you would be the perfect gift, oohh yeah, yeah
There's nothing colder than an empty home
And holidays were never meant to be alone
The smiles we gave when our hearts were safe
By each others love and warmth
That's subsided now, no happiness around
If I could only find a way to your heartP.S "MAYBE THAT THE WAY LOVE GOES" guess so ;)
Saturday, 21 March 2009
{ 7:47 am }
hais.. i dunnoe if she understands what im trying to say or not seh..
why cant she? hais... im just making another big mistake in all this crap..
why cant i let her know? maybe i shouldnt.. why do i follow my heart, emotional so much when i can only give her this heart of mine? this thing that is not... ergh.nvm..
you see, this world doesnt belong to me..
i will give up all i had just to breathe the same air as you till the day that i die, i just cant take my eyes of you..
but seriously god, pls show me someway or somehow to really help me with this thing..
im not good at this.. i mean seriously.. im not kidding.. people might think i know all this stuff just because i help them with thier problems.. but maybe mine is too complicated?
hais, i dun want other girls.. why wont you understand?
still, ill wait for you, ill be waiting..
Friday, 20 March 2009
{ 8:56 pm }
whole freaking day at home!
stared at tv, tv stared at me..
stared at the computer, computer stared me back..
doing the same thing till 4..
4pm had soccer training..
at first was freaking frustrating.. after that, had loads of laughter uh!
haha.. we had to do upper and lower body work out using a 3-5kg medicine ball..
its freaking heavy uh.. and one time we had to carry the ball in between our feet and hang on for 30 seconds.. our face was so cramp like hell.. haha.. stupid sia our face.. then we laugh alot! then another one was that we had to lie facing down and the ball again, in between our feet and we had to carry the ball up and down.. then my seniors looked at me like one kind and they laughed because they say my position was like a merlion.. haha.. wth! it was damn shiok uh! (shiok as in PAIN!)
confirm you tomoro my body will ache one kind!! LOL...
then went home, met sis on the way and went home with her.. now watching S-league! wow.. looks like this year, SAFFC will have a fierce battle to win the title..AGAIN! hahahaha.. oh well.. now, my back is hurting like hell again.. confirm if my doc know, ill be in deep shit! haha.. got check up again seh this sunday.. i dun want to go uh.. lazy you know.. doc will do the same stupid thing on me.. and nothing really helps.. pfft.. might as well let me be.. peace i'll rest! lol.. kla.. bye!
Thursday, 19 March 2009
{ 8:37 pm }
Assalammu'alaikum people!
i've got ntg to tell you guys about..pfft..
i missed training yesterday.. coz im not well.. shit..tomorow i must go.lol..
urm.. what else? ntah la.. i don't have alot to say..
Jirah ada camp for three days..tomorow she'll come back home..
had troubled msging her.. hmmph... oh well..hope she had fun thought.. and misses..:)
Balqis! wow..dah lama tk bbl seh kita.. lol.. tu la dah sombong.. haha.. if you are reading this, call me tau?!! i need to talk to you seh.. haha..dah lama tk bbl..
and i want to meet you family la..
rindu your adik..muahahaha..k la..gtg..bye!
Tuesday, 17 March 2009
{ 7:59 pm }
ok..i could never lie to you about this uh but SHE IS FREAKING HOT!!! haha.. i mean seriously.. i saw her last saturday sia.. omg... maybe if she had just took her shades off, i would have melt to the ground i think.. haha.. i forgot to post this la seh.. i forgot about it.. lol.. but seriously uh, she was damn hot!!! omgeee! haha.. ok enuff seh fyque.. but seriously la.. wait, she is quite short but acceptable.. i dont know her age though.. lol.. hahahahahahhaha.. when i saw her, i felt really shaky uh seh!! eventhough she was metres away from me! walau! like wtf! but i really hold my cool..lol.. but i only saw her there and she walked away.. if she walked pass me.. haiyoyoyoyo.. idk seh.. i think i dream off her everynight.. lol.. k la enough.. im done.. it once in a lifetime..haha.jarang nmpk org cam gitu.. lol.. k im done! bye! tc pips! haha..
{ 7:39 pm }
YumYum! haha.. ive been eating this since morning.. its still havent finished yet.. hmm, usually i could have finished all this in one day.. but i assure you by tomorow, ITS GONE! lol.. so anw, today was ok la.. ari asked me to come over his house to finished the game resident evl 5..well, we completed it but we played as amatuers..now we gonna play it all over again but this time, we play as experts or what the game called it veteren.. haha.. oh well after playing game for one whole day..
went back home and waited for abg yasser's famly to come and visit.. my granny and my cuzzins are also sleeping over my house till thursday.. whoah! lol.. urm.. yea..abg yasser returned home from NS in brunei yesterday..so he came to visit.. if you guys are wondering who is abg yasser, he is my big sister's boyfriend or fiance if i could put it..lol.. sometimes i wonder, y dont they just get married..lol..but i know its a very big and important decisions..oh well..i bet they gonna get married otherwise..pfft..
oh i missed remedial lessons today..omg, haha.. oh well, have to come up with excuse right?? lol.. better give letter.. haha.. tomorow and friday i got soccer training..preparing for our last match against juying secondary.. win them and we are through man to the semi finals!! muahahahahaha...cool right?! lol.. errr.. what else? hmm.. k la i think that's about it i guess.. haaa..
Sunday, 15 March 2009
{ 9:40 pm }
this past few weeks, someone had change my life.. someone who is independent, smart, adorable, sweet, caring, understanding and loving.. someone who knows to soften my heart when my heart is as hard as a rock.. someone who believes that everything that is happening in this world is in the hands of god.. someone who thought low of themselves but in the eyes of others, they are great.. its really hard to let go of them huh? but what if you are really close to them.. you started to like them.. you started to get jelous easily and emotional easily? urm, what does that mean? hmm.. it's confusing isnt it? you will start to think so many negatives thoughts.. you will start to think of giving up on them but you couldnt seem to get them out of your head.. then sometimes they made you feel so sad but still you only want them to stay.. you wanna say you love them so bad but you dun want to scare them away.. then you wish you can let them understand that you want to be more than just a friend..you wish that they love you.. hmm.. right? heh:/
{ 9:30 pm }
hey.. ill make this short cause im really in no mood to do anything this few days.. so, yea..Saturday:
woke up at 7am and around 8am, i was at lot 1 mcdonald..waiting for putri, kartika and firdaus to go out to jurong library to study.. we ate breakfast and went to jurong library after that.. we waited for syaf to join us later..we went off at around 12.40pm.. i went to granny house as my uncle and cuzzin wanted to bring me to watch movie.. "race to witch mountain" i at was quite ok.. rating 7/10.. ok la.. had some laughs.. and thrilling.. but only an ok movie.. after that, went back home to my cuzz place to sleepover..
Sunday:
i was at my cuzz place whole day..playing xbox360.. a new game my cuzz bought; resident evil 5.. it was awesome..now i at home..still havent completed the game yet..now we are on the last level..which is a bit crapo!! coz we tried to defeat the army around 7th times! crap! lol. then i went back home..now, im bored to death.. lol.. k la..see what im gonna do tomoro..thought of doing my maths homework and malay.. stupid noob!!!! bye!
Friday, 13 March 2009
{ 9:43 pm }
last day of school..
haa.. holiday. i wish! got alot to do uh this week..
got to buck up on my studies.. im not satisfied laaaaaaa!!!!
ergh..
my report card was whatever la...really crap..
Malay-C5
English-B4
Maths-B4
Science(chem/bio)-C5
comb.humanities(ss)-C5
History-A2
Art-A1
walau! mepek kan!!!!!!!! bull sia! crapo!! damn it.. tomorow going to study with putri and the rest..lol.. at jurong library.. so if need any enquires, im kinda there..lol! bye!
Wednesday, 11 March 2009
{ 7:58 pm }
So why does your pride make you run and hide?
Are you that afraid of me?
But I know it's a lie what you keep inside
This is not how you want it to be
So baby I will wait for you
Cause I don't know what else I can do
Don't tell me I ran out of time
If it takes the rest of my life
Baby I will wait for you
If you think I'm fine it just ain't true
I really need you in my life
No matter what I have to do I'll wait for you
How Can Someone Make Me So Sad But Still I Only Want Them {you} to Stay
I Wanna Say I Love You So Bad, But I Dont Wanna Scare You Away
Please I Wish That You'll Understand
That I Wanna Be More Than Just Your Friend
I Wish You Loved Me
{ 7:37 pm }
hey.. had sports day just now.. we won 10x200m relay mixed.. its 5 girls and 5 boys in a group.. then girls run 200m and past the baton to a boy and so on.. yea..we won..leading very far from them..muahahahha.. oh well, 3 years in a row we win the 10x200m relay race..and we will kept on winning.. our house won 2nd overall..YELLOW all the way! yesa! haha.. nxt year 1st! confirm! lol..
Sunday, 8 March 2009
{ 8:52 pm }
there's a whole lot about what i am thinking and gonna spray it here..
but guess what? im lazy sia!! hahaha.. pfft.. i dont know what to write in this stupid blog of mine.. so the boring.. lol.. wait let me see..i'll write this..
imagine that the pillow that you cried on was my chest
and the tissue that you wiped your face with was my hand
girl imagine if you needed advise about some other guys
im the one that comes to mind
not tryin'a hear you tell nobody that im just a friends
just tryin'a make sure im that body that you called your man
and anytime you need a shoulder
it yours not a day
but what im tryin' to say is that i wanna be
the last number you called late at night
first one that you dialed when you open your eyes
wanna be the one you run to
wanna be the one that ain't gonna hurt you
I wanna be
be the man making your girls jelous
be the guys shuttin' all the fellas
whatever you need
girl, it's all on me
your soldier, your friend or your lover
girl, i wanna be
would it be cool, would you mind if i call you my boo
What if the next wip you is pushin was the one I bought for you
Can I be the one that meets your pops and take your mama shoppin
Be the only one they like
Have you thought about it, wait, really thought about it
Maybe you should take some time, call your girls and talk about it, yeah
Cause I done already made up my mind
Don't need no more time to know if I wanna be with you
HAHAHAH! yay!
Thursday, 5 March 2009
{ 9:21 pm }
i dont understand what i did wrong?
honestly, its very frustrating..
i wondered to myself every single day..
i just want it to happened..
i want to share this feelings that stuck inside of me to you.
i kept thinking if im doing what im doing is the one i really want or is just a matter of thought..
everytime i feel happy, excited..i must always find out that its all was out to waste coz i get to know that the things im doing wasnt effective..
seriously, i dont know what to do! if there's any chance for me to win it..
ill go for it, but as far as im concern...
it just doesnt seem to go anywhere..
sometimes i really feel like i just dont wanna live coz its too much problems..
but i know, i just cant run away from them, so i tried to overcome them..
if cant, i either let it be or find people to help me out..
but recently, its really have become a serious burden for me.
i really feel so weak and emotional recently..
i feel jelous, angry, rude and sad..but it all mixed in one and it felt weird..
hais, i really dont know.. im just confused..
i really have to make decisions but im afraid what im doing will not be the right one, like always!!! ergh! CRAP! honestly i feel like killing myself! i should not have recovered from that sickness..i should just ignore the pain, let me die faster..
i wanna meet ALLAH! i dun know what im saying already..i feel lost.. to those people who care, im sorry if u feel uncomfortable for me to say this stuff but seriously, i just wish you all never had met me.. its not you guys, its me.. you guys are good people in different ways.. its me.. i kept making the wrong choices..hmm..
i really hope that my suffering and emotions would heal fast so that i could just have a relaxing and enjoyable time.. FCUK lA!
